This or That: Meaning, Origin, Usage, and Which One to Choose

This or that is a small phrase that does a large job in English: it presents a choice between two things, and it also names a popular party game. Unlike most pairs in this series, neither word is “wrong”, the question is when to pick “this,” when to pick “that,” and when the whole phrase means something else entirely. The same choice-between-two logic runs through our flip or flop guide.

At heart, “this” and “that” are demonstratives: pointing words. “This” points to something near you, in your hand, or just mentioned; “that” points to something farther away, in someone else’s hand, or mentioned earlier. “This or that” simply asks the listener to point at one of the two options, and, as a game, turns that pointing into entertainment.

⚡ Quick answer

When to use this

Use this for a singular thing that is close to you in space, time, or conversation. Merriam-Webster’s this entry defines it as referring to “the person, thing, or idea that is present or near in place, time, or thought.” You also use “this” to introduce something new: “This is my sister,” “This morning was chaos,” “Listen to this.”

✓ This cake (the one I am holding) is still warm from the oven.

✓ This week has been the busiest of the year so far.

✓ I love this song, turn it up!

✓ This is exactly what I was looking for.

✗ I prefer this house across the street. → ✓ I prefer that house across the street. (Far away = that.)

When to use that

Use that for a singular thing farther from you, already mentioned, or belonging to the listener’s side of the conversation. “That” also works as a relative pronoun (“the book that I read”) and a conjunction (“I think that you’re right”), jobs “this” rarely does. The distance can be physical, that mountain, or emotional, that embarrassing incident we never discuss. Our sink or swim guide shows a similar split, where the same words carry a literal and a figurative meaning side by side.

✓ That restaurant across town serves the best pasta.

✓ I remember that summer we spent at the lake.

✓ Is that your coat on the chair over there?

✓ The report that you sent yesterday was excellent.

The tricky exceptions

The “this or that” game

The phrase became a party and social-media game: one person offers two options, “coffee or tea?”, “beach or mountains?”, “books or films?”, and the other must pick one, fast, with no hedging. The game’s appeal is its speed and its revelations: a single forced choice tells you more than a long interview. On social media, “this or that” stories and reels use the same format with tappable answers.

✓ Let’s play this or that: early bird or night owl?

✓ Her “this or that” post asked followers to choose mountains or sea.

“This or that” meaning “one thing or another, vaguely”

Sometimes the phrase is deliberately vague: “He’s always doing this or that around the house” means assorted odd jobs, none worth naming. “She said this or that about the trip” means she talked about it in a general, unimpressive way. Here the phrase is not a real choice at all, it is a shrug in words.

✓ He spent the weekend doing this or that in the garden.

✓ The letter mentioned this or that, but nothing definite.

This, that, these, those, and telephone English

The plurals follow the same distance rule: these (near) and those (far). On the telephone, English flips the rule politely: callers say “this is Sara” (I am the near speaker) while the person answering asks “is that Sara?”, because from their end, Sara is the distant voice. Our fact or fiction guide uses a similar near/far trick, separating what is verifiably close at hand from what is invented.

✓ These shoes (on my feet) are new; those shoes (by the door) are old.

✓ “Hello, this is Sara.” “Oh, hi, is that Sara from marketing?”

This vs that at a glance

Quick practice

Choose this or that for each sentence:

1. ______ is my brother, Sam. (Introducing him, standing beside you.)
2. Do you remember ______ holiday we took in 2019?
3. ______ morning I woke up before dawn.
4. Is ______ your car parked across the road?

Answer key:

• 1. This (introducing someone present)
• 2. That (past, already known)
• 3. This (current morning)
• 4. That (far away)

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between this and that?

“This” points to something near the speaker in place, time, or thought; “that” points to something farther away or already mentioned. “This book” is in your hand; “that book” is across the room.

What does “this or that” mean as a game?

It is a game where one person offers two options and the other must choose one immediately, without explaining. It is used at parties, in classrooms, and on social media as a quick get-to-know-you activity.

Can “this or that” be used in formal writing?

The literal choice (“this option or that option”) is fine anywhere. The game sense and the vague sense (“doing this or that”) are informal, avoid them in reports, essays, and official letters.

Is it “these or those” for plurals?

Yes. “These” is the plural of “this” (near), and “those” is the plural of “that” (far). “These shoes” are on your feet; “those shoes” are by the door.

Why do callers say “this is” on the phone?

Because “this” marks the speaker as present and near in the conversation. The person answering, hearing a distant voice, replies with “that”: “Is that Sara?” The pair flips with perspective.

Final Thoughts

This points near and that points far, and together they frame every choice English asks you to make, from which book to pick up to which answer to tap in a game. Keep the in-my-hand test beside you, and the two little words will never point you the wrong way. For the next pair where a tiny word changes the whole meaning, our flip or flop guide plays the same game with higher stakes.